Socially Adept

School Administrators are "Douchebags"

I don't even know where to start with this one.  A Connecticut school has barred a student from serving on the student council (even though she won the election... as a write in...talk about campaigning) because she referred to a school administrator as being a "douchebag."  This is a story that's been around since July of 2007, but it's back in the news today as well as appeals court. 

Here's my struggle. 

1) I don't care what anyone calls me on the Internet as long as they are willing to explain why they wrote what they wrote to my face.  If you think I'm a "douchebag," tell me why and maybe we can get to the root of the problem.  Believe me... I am aware that I can be a "douchebag" on occasion so there is a chance I might agree with you.

2) I am clearly a fan of free speech, but I am smart enough to know that slinging insults at an authority figure is not a wise idea.  If I were to slander my boss, coach, parent, etc. on my blog, I would expect there to be some sort of repercussion.  It seems all too frequently these days that respect is something that is on the decline. (The two girls that got booted off of a Southwest flight are the perfect example)

In the instance of Avery Doninger (The CT. Student who write the post on her Myspace Page) I do feel that the punishment was too severe.  Being the rambunctious, destructive hellion I was in high school, I know for a fact that I called the administrators worse than "douchebag."  In fact, I called all authority figures worse things and received less of a punishment than this 17 year old.  However, my parents let me know that there was a valuable lesson to be learned from those experiences...

Sometimes, it's better to say nothing at all.  If you have to say anything, make sure you can say it to that person's face and can take what ever comes to you.

Good bloggers start writing because they are passionate about something.  Passion can occasionally lead to poor judgment.  There is always more than one way to say something and there is always another way to receive something someone has said. 

Not only is this case one of the many instances that highlight our social struggles with the rise of collaboration and conversation on the Internet, but it brings awareness to the slippery slope of issues that await us if we start to regulate the conversation.  In my opinion, Avery should have been punished for her insult, but not by the school administration.  Her parents should take this opportunity to teach their child that there are better ways to approach problems. 

But what do I know... I'm just an occasional "douchebag" without any kids and an occasional blog post.

*For those that are interested.  This is day 10 without cigarettes.  Chantix does work wonders. 

Feeling The Pain of Strangers in the Blogosphere

When I started this blog I joined a community.  In some respects, I joined a secret society.  There is no hand shake, no code word, no visual indicator that allows bloggers to nod in passing as if to say, "we belong."  All we have is a URL that links us to each other and an RSS feed that reminds us that there are others out there.  Simply put...just words on a page to tell our story, whatever that story may be.

Occasionally, real world circumstances occur that remind us all that the blogosphere, as big as it may be, is still a community that relies on the people behind the keyboards.  When Om Malik informed his community of readers and fellow bloggers of his current health condition, I admired his courage and dedication to share his life with so many perfect strangers.

When news of Ashley Spencer's death (a popular member of the twitterati) broke on Twitter and Utterz, the out pouring of support was amazing.  Tweets were captured in one place for all to review, badges were created and donation widgets embedded to help support the 20 year olds family.  Over 65 people replied to the Utterz post and the community has raised nearly $6,000 in donations for her family.

When Andrew Olmsted wrote a final post for his blog prior to being killed in active duty in Iraq and enlisted a friend to upload his final words, I felt honored and privileged to gain a little insight about a man I had never met.  I was beyond moved at the caring words he had for his wife and reflected deeply on how his words could provide solace and comfort to so many other grieving family members. 

His words were powerful and went beyond war and politics; as he intended.  Andrew was one man, of his own opinion, leaving behind a perspective so many of us will never understand but should familiarize ourselves with.  One man, in a community of many, believing in a cause and delivering a message.  A complete stranger to me who has left a lasting impression on my life and my perspective.

In some ways, I wish I'd never have to read posts, tweets, messages like this again but I'm not as naive as my photo may suggest.  All I can do is take notice and absorb these words into my life.  We all have a reason for sharing the personal information that we do with perfect strangers.  Sometimes the goal is not to educate people about the costs of war or the dangers of cigarettes.  Sometimes the goal is to merely share our story in an effort that it will merely be heard.

I for one... am listening.

The Ethics of Blogging - Part 1

Rule #1 - Know your audience

By now, if you blog, you should know who your audience is and who your audience can be.  Unfortunately, many people are still forgetful of the fact that blogging is a public forum and everyone has access to the content you share.  Recently, I was contacted regarding a situation with a Mommy Blogger.  As I have mentioned in previous posts, I have become more interested in personal blogs and the real life behind these daily posters, so I was quick to investigate the situation.  Here is what has transpired:

A proud mother has been blogging incessantly about her two daughters and their lives in a suburban, southern community.  With two years behind her, the Mommy Blogger has been able to attract a reasonable following within her local community and online.  Most of the posts revolve around their daily lives and the blog acts as a platform for keeping family and friends updated.  At first glance, this blog (which I am not naming or linking to as I feel it is inappropriate) is the same as 50 million other blogs.  However, this blogger is not aware of who is reading.

In several posts, the Mommy Blogger references a child in her daughters school (Her daughter is in Kindergarten) who was sneezing and coughing all over her during her time volunteering.  Although the Mommy Blogger never names the child or posts photos, the local community is reading and begins to wonder, "is she talking about my kid?"  To make matters worse, the Mommy Blogger begins to chastise the parents of the child for not teaching proper manners.  Her readers chime in with comments supporting her "Parent's Responsibility" standpoint.

After some investigating, it has come to my attention that the child she is referencing is a special needs child with a special needs sibling.  Although I do not have children of my own, I have been fortunate to work with special needs kids on occasion and am aware of the challenges parents face.  Although no one enjoys being sneezed or coughed on, a little understanding is deserved in certain circumstances.

Now, imagine being the parent of this child.  Even though only a handful of people may know the true identity of the child being mentioned, the fact that this blog is popular among mothers within the local area can result in gossip and embarrassment.  As the old saying goes, "think before you speak," or in this case, post.

After hearing this story, I contacted the Mommy Blogger in question and reminded her that a blog is not always the best place to judge someone.  If she was aware of her audience, she might have recognized that there was the potential of embarrassing someone for no other purpose than to share a "woe is me" story with her audience. 

Sadly, the Mommy Blogger in question just deleted my comment without a response.

As the title of this post is The Ethics of Blogging, all of us have a responsibility to operate in a civilized manner (do unto others...).  It is imperative that bloggers understand that it is a very big world and your neighbor, boss, garbage man, or school teacher might be reading the content you publish online. 

I believe in transparency in blogs and value people who share insights into their lives and daily struggles, but a level of decorum is necessary.  Especially when discussing children. So, next time you rant on your blog that your neighbor's dog keeps crapping in your yard or your daughters friend dresses "a little slutty," remember that their lives are not fodder for your blog and the stories run deeper than what you see on the surface.  You never know, you might just be insulting someone who can't help it.  Just because it's a digital conversation, doesn't mean we should throw out the traditional rules of how to treat people... remember, do unto others....gossip has it's place, but leave the gossip to Perez Hilton.